so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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