I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
