I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
