Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
