every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The best revenge is premature balding
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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