Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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