whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
