what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
