the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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