Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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