I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
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I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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