I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just high enough for therapy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
