I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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