you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
