the condom got lost in my hair
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
