Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
