So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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