Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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