I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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