I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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