i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
