So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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