I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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