One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize