i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize