So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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