We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
