shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you didnt know i had herpes?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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