you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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