so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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