btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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Just invented taco cereal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found the puke drawer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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