A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
