Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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