explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
