He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
