So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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