I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
3 2 1 whiskey
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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