If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
