wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
