You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My cat gives me a boner
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
