The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
