let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
