So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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