i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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