If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Two words: blizzard sex
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
