mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize