Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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