Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize