guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
