I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
