So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
