dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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