How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
