What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
