Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
