my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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